By The Internet arm of the Kenyon Collegian has been severed, and we’re doing the chopping, bitches. Kenyon’s student body has fallen in love with The Thrill’s quick-hitting accounts of campus news and gossip, and in an effort to save the website from financial ruin and continue the quality reporting that the website has brought to our campus, we acquired the organization earlier today in a meeting at Middle Ground.
The student-run website had run into financial problems related to David Hoyt’s lavish expense account (we won’t tell you what was in it, but the words “haute couture” are involved) and Nina Zimmerman’s recent bonus payment. After declaring bankruptcy, David McCabe reached an agreement with us to sell the rights to the website for a ladybug chocolate and Tess Waggoner.
David McCabe is also under the impression that he will receive Matt Hershey’s car. Try to keep this quiet, but Matt Hershey’s ‘car’ is really just three cardboard boxes and one of those fan/spray bottle hybrid thingy’s that your mom used to go nuts for at Little League games during the summer (we told him it was the defroster). As David McCabe doesn’t drive, we’re figured it was all the same to him.
UPDATE:
This is suspicious. It’s April 1.